Thursday, August 4, 2005
Worlds Worse Boss
Yesterday during conversations with several co-workers the topic soon turned to our former boss. Last year I wrote a bit about some of my experiences with this person. If you read those entries you know my dealings with him were not positive; dysfunctional would be one way of recapping those years.
Sometimes when you go through a powerful experience, it helps to have a sense of humor; for me it ensures I'll come out of it with my sanity intact. While there is nothing funny about the fallout of my former boss's seven years with this organization, last night I was reflecting back on some of the things he did; things my co-workers said which I had forgotten these last three years. In that reflection, I saw the humor of it all. The following is the result.
You know you have the Worlds Worse Boss when... ...your boss needs three different calendars on his desk to organize his schedule (but he doesn't do anything...).
...the first thing out of your boss’s mouth every morning is "What day is it?" (apparently three calendars are not enough).
...you are forced to carry a pocket dictionary with you at all times because your boss uses no less than five 'big' words in every sentence (who is he trying to impress?).
...at a staff meeting your boss conveys 'confidential' information and, with a heavy tone informs the staff this information is NOT to be repeated to anyone. He then spends the next ten months telling every caller and visitor to the office about the 'confidential' information (did the meaning of the word confidential change recently?).
...your co-workers form an intervention group to super glue your stapler to your desk to prevent you from throwing that stapler at your boss's head (order me the biggest stapler available!).
...members of the board of directors call you on a regular basis seeking your opinion about your boss's mental health (the Doctor is in).
...he uses the phrase 'vis-a-vie' so many times you now actually hate those words and threaten to kill anyone who uses them (for this I will need therapy).
...every time a new person is hired, you and your co-workers start a betting pool to see how long it takes for the new person to figure out the boss is a loser/idiot/insert appropriate word here (average time = 10 days, shortest = 1 day, longest = 6 weeks...but she quit right after that).
...at board meetings you tune out everything he says because you've already heard it from him at least a dozen times (add the skill of selective listening to my resume).
…you once loved reading Arthurian literature, but now have an psychological aversion to it after enduring seven years of your boss standing at your desk reenacting Sir Thomas Malory’s Le Morte Darthur (stop the world, I want to get off...please!).
…staff members take turns going with him to meetings to ensure he doesn’t screw up months of planning and give away the farm (four years of college and I’m just a baby-sitter).
...he single-handedly redefines the meaning of the words 'alternate reality' (now there's a reality show for ya).
…you finally get so fed up with his blatent incompetence, when a board member suggests the staff form a coup, you jump at the chance (consequences?...compared to working another day for him?).
And yes, I did win the betting pool, once.