Sometimes the best things are those you must wait for...
Last night Kari and I had a heart to heart talk. Each time we do it amazes me how much our relationship has changed...evolved, over the years. Twelve years ago she and Amy resented me, even hated me a bit. Not because of anything I had done or said, it was merely the situation we found ourselves in.
In the beginning, I found myself constantly questioning what I was doing...belittling myself. I asked their father how he saw my role in their lives...he shrugged his shoulders and admitted he didn't know. I wanted to be a part of the girls' lives, but they kept me at arm's length, yet they always wanted me to drive them and their friends, everywhere. And so I did. Why? Because at some point I came to the following conclusion: I couldn't be their mother, to me that is sacred ground (I lost my mother too and I resented any woman who thought she could just come into my life and fill my mother's shoes); and I couldn't be their friend because of my relationship with their father. So I decided the only thing I could be, was to be there, for them. Just be there. To give them unconditional love. That is what they needed. It wasn't an easy journey.
Now, when we talk, both Amy and Kari acknowledge they shut me out all those years ago. When they do I tell them it's okay. I tell them back then I knew, deep in my heart, it wouldn't always be that way. I knew someday they would grow up and become adults. I knew someday we would have an adult relationship. In my heart, I knew the day that I was waiting for would come, but I had to hold on, and let go.
So I held on, and I let go.
I believe in miracles. I believe in angels. I believe in the power of love.
Have a wonderful Easter. 
~~Vision is what brings unity.~~
~~You really are enough.~~
Wow - it seems you have always been so mature. Although I know it's hard to wonder if you would choose to come by this maturity the way you had. May you be blessed this Easter by the peace that only Christ could have brought to your heart. I thank God that he brought such an amazing woman into my life......and in the strangest way! -Kelly
ReplyDeleteI`m so glad it worked out so well for you. You had the right attitude. :-) Happy Easter to you too.............Sandra xxx
ReplyDeleteKelly - LOL! Oh, there were times, many times, when I wasn't so mature. When no one was home, I let me feelings out. If these walls could talk.....
ReplyDeleteBut, I took all that negative energy and turned it around, into something positive, a college education. I have heard it said, God never gives you more than you can handle. If He had that much faith in me, then how could I let Him down?
Sandra - Thank you. Sometimes you just have to believe, because that's all you have.
I didn't have my Mum either, when I was growing up. I was different though, I craved the attention of my Dad's Girlfriends. And now I am a Step-Mum too, though my hubby hasn't been able to see his daughter in all the years I've known him, and more. Hoping that some day I will get to meet my Step-Daughter, and my son, his half sister :o)
ReplyDeleteSara x
I am so happy for you and the girls. You had the insight and integrity to know that you could never replace their mother, but that you do have a place in their lives, love for them in your own way. It may have taken years for the girls to realize they loved you for the place you hold in their lives, it sounds like it's been worth the wait. You should be proud.
ReplyDeleteHappy EASTER !!! =]
ReplyDeleteI am very happy that your relationship with the girls has evolved into something really good. Every girl needs tha tmother figure, if they dont have one. You know patience is virtue. Anyway...I hope to see baby pics!! you are soon to be a grandmama!!! lol
Love Gaye =]