Spur of the moment

I visited with my doctor last week and he immediately referred me to the orthopaedic surgeon; business must be slow at the surgeon's office because I got my consult within two days. Saw my GP on Wednesday and had an appointment with the surgeon Friday morning. That was remarkably fast! Last time I had to wait about three weeks for my first consult, back in 2003.  No, this isn't the first time I've had trouble with my shoulder, the last two times it was the right shoulder. In 2003 I went in for a frozen shoulder (fixed by physical therapy) and in 2001 my deltoidcaused me some grief (also fixed by physical therapy). So, they know me pretty well at the physical therapist office.  Okay, I'm rambling.

Back to the present. There are three issues with my left shoulder that need fixed. First, the shoulder is frozen...duh, second I've got some bone spurs that need removed, and third, the end of my shoulder blade (acromion) is hooked (where straight is the norm) and needs to be reshaped. The surgeon wants to get me in ASAP but first my health insurance provider has to approve the surgery, which they did today. Tomorrow I'll know my surgery date. Doc says I'll be in a sling for about two weeks and in physical therapy for about six weeks. And then I'm done. I asked if the bone spurs would come back, and he said no...not on the left side. But, maybe on the right. Then again, it may never flare up. That's what I'm hoping for. 

The good news is that by mid-April I'll be healed up enough to ride again...just in time for my birthday. I wonder if Sam knows what he's getting me for my birthday. :) Monday I had the opportunity to go to Walla Walla to look at horse trailers. My friends who own the Morgan farm wanted to purchase a 4 horse trailer and they were going with Ray, the gentleman from whom I'm buying my horse. I didn't find a trailer, but my friends did. 

Ida-Ho Norma and me, February 2008

Mortana Pat with Ray Ellsworth up.

UVM Promise, 1977

So, about this horse of mine. She comes from excellent Morgan bloodlines and Ray's had her since she was foaled. Her name is Ida-Ho Norma...maybe not the prettiest name, kinda plain...but what she lacks in a name she makes up for with looks. I have pics her grand sire, Mortana Pat (also owned by Ray) and her great grand sire UVM Promise. Norma is her registered name, but horses often have another name, a stable name. I haven't come up with that...yet. And yes, she's just as beautiful as they are. You'll see.  :)  Her sire is Desiderata Alderon (Desiderata is one of my fav poems) and her dam is Ida-Ho Mary Lue (who just happens to be a full sister to Mirzay.

For those of you wondering what happened to my tag offers, I've put them on hold. After having problems with PSP, I uninstalled the program, but now I'm having trouble reinstalling it. So, I took this as a message to step back, slow down and take a break for a bit.

Thing is, I'm coming out of a really bad state. In short, for the past five years I was dancing on the edge of workplace burn out...and depression.  Last year, last summer, circumstances put me over that edge, and I rapidly found myself overwhelmed...sometimes with even the simplest task, like watering my plants, or writing in this journal. And even flexing my creative arm became painful...just another demand. When I spoke to my doc about this, I summarized it simply when I told him, "I feel like I've lost my joy." 

My work requires a high sensitivity to details, is hyper stressful and recently I've learned professionals within the economic development field are prone to burn out, generally within three years. I've been in economic development for almost twelve years.  My workplace is unprepared to help me through this, but my boss is trying to understand. Problem is there are a lot of demands on her as well and several of us can see her heading toward burn out too; she's been with the organization for six years but only the director for less than two. 

I've learned there is a downside to being passionate about your work. This is especially true when sacrifices are made for the common good, and little is given or acknowledged in return. At the request of my boss, I took a couple of weeks off in October, my first two whole weeks in over nine years.

I've learned a week vacation here and there every few months won't accomplish the balance I need to decompress from the demands of work. 

I've learned a lot about limitations and boundaries, and maybe it's time to change employers. So, I'm keeping my options open and my ear to the ground for a new path to take. 

And I think I'm going to give Norma a nice simple stable name. I'm thinking...Joy. 

"My treasures do not clink together or glitter, they gleam in the sun and neigh in the night."

Over my shoulder

Hello my friends,

I know...it's been a very long time since my last entry...over a month.  Eeee gads, how did that happen? Well, there is a complicated reason, which I'll get to later, in another entry, and there is an easy reason. I'll tackle the easy one now.

One word. Horses. I feel like a little girl again and I've renewed my love...ummm, okay, obsession...with horses. I haven't felt this giddy in years, and it feels so very good. I feel alive again! This obsession of mine must not be too excessive, because Sam isn't sick of seeing and hearing horses...yet.  :) Oddly enough he's even getting into it. A few weeks ago he came home and immediately told me about a two horse trailer he'd seen for sale. This is fantastic, and so not like it was when I was a horse crazy child; I drove my family, especially my older sister Lyn, absolutely crazy. Seriously, I did. And I don't think they ever got over it, tee hee. I know I didn't...but the dream of owning a horse just wasn't practical and so I tucked that dream away...deep into the recesses of my soul and left it in a restful slumber until such time in the future when circumstances were more favorable.

Finally, that time is here.

And since I've decided to awaken my long slumbering childhood dream, I've realized I am starting from square one and there is much work to do. The horse, of course (which I've found, btw), a trailer to tow the horse (for trail rides at the cabin, and maybe more), saddles, bridles, hay (currently $150/ton thanks to the hay shortage...ouch), a place to store all the hay, hoof care, stabling...oye! At least we already have a heavy duty pick-up to pull the horse trailer. I'm sooooo excited!!!!! At night I find myself dreaming of hoof falls and four beat gaits, swishing tails and kind eyes. So, that's where I disappeared to this past month..I've been researching everything horse related.

The horse I found is a 16 year dark bay Morgan mare and she is gorgeous. I have a photo of her with her current owner but the sale won't happen until later this spring for two reasons. First, my left should is messed up and I must get it fixed before I do anymore riding, and second the mare hasn't been rode much lately and the owner/trainer wants to spend time working with her before handing her over to me.  I've been undergoing physical therapy for my left shoulder since before Thanksgiving; it's really causing me immense distress. It started as a little annoying pain in early August and escalated into an inflamed rotator cuff. There's talk of either surgery which I'd rather avoid, or manipulating the shoulder under a local anethesia in order to tear through the scar tissue that is restricting my range of motion. Progress with physical therapy has plateaued and the pain is getting worse each week...sometimes it takes forever to get dressed in the morning. I'll know more in the next few weeks what will happen after I see my doctor next week and then get my first consult with the ortho surgeon.  And so, I wait...

In the mean time, I HAVE to share this video I found. What you are about to see is a young woman named Stacy Westfall doing bridleless reining. She is fantastic, amazing and such an inspiration to me. The flying lead changes are smooth, flawless, and send the crowd into a awestruck frenzy. WOW!

 

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