About Duke, part 1

 It's been almost five weeks since our last moments together. I have thought about writing this entry so many times, and yet when I sit down to write, my emotions take over and I feel overcome with so much grief, I get so bound up inside that nothing comes out. 

But I'm going to keep writing.

Where do I begin?

I had plans for this month. To celebrate his 28th year on earth on May 4, to celebrate his 15th anniversary Gotcha Day on May 17th. With him. As it turned out, I celebrated those dates without him. On April 28, I took Duke, my beloved and beautiful Morgan gelding, my first horse, my friend, confidant, teacher, and equine partner on his last trailer ride.

But, let's go back to when it all began. I don't know how old I was when this undying devotion to horses began; it seems it's always been who I am. In my younger days I met several horses, but there was one horse who holds a special place in my heart. He was a plain bay with no white grade gelding named Pee Wee. And he needed a friend. His owner, a new mom, no longer had time to devote to him as her attention turned to caring for her newborn daughter. I was a horse crazy girl, lonely and more than happy to ride my bike for the 45 minutes to spend time with him. I lived in Sepulveda, Pee Wee lived in Canoga Park. 

Even now, I recall with clarity those days, those moments and how Pee Wee greeted me when I arrived on my bike at his pasture. All I wanted was to be in his company, just watching him graze filled me with wonder and delight. Any time I would stand on his manger or a fence rail, he always came to me, offering his back and I'd hop on. No bridle, no saddle...just Pee Wee and I. He was so gentle, just calmly walking around the pasture, stopping every now and then and nibble on a weed. I was in heaven, and he never gave me cause for worry or concern about my safety. I only rode him with tack once, and that was to take him out of the pasture on a walk about through the neighborhood. Then everything changed with my parent's separation, and mom's decision to move back to her hometown a thousand miles away. I was 15 and thought about Pee Wee every day.

Fast forward 36 years later. It's May 17, 2008 and I'm standing in front of a beautiful bay, no white Morgan gelding named Duke. I felt an immediate connection with him; at the first sight of him my heart leapt. That first time I saw him in a photo, and now standing with me...in those two moments I felt like I was looking at the soul of Pee Wee. I know his owner, Keith, was hesitant to sell Duke to a first-time horse owner with zero experience owning horses, let alone caring for one with a history of laminitis. I remember everything about the day Duke came into my life, including the hug I gave Keith before we drove away with Duke in the trailer. It took 45 minutes to get Duke loaded, but he finally did with time and persuasion from Keith. Duke didn't want to leave his home, and I felt that. Yet our destinies were intertwined. Duke and I were fated to be in each other's life.

Meeting Duke and passing the sniff test.