Friday, November 19, 2004

Reflections

Communication.  Funny how it can get so messed up sometimes.  Actually, it's not really funny.  Sometimes it can be just downright frustrating, and sad.

A long time ago I met someone.  That day is a very special day.  And even now, almost thirty years later, I can remember every vivid moment.  At the time I didn't realize it, but that day was a day of destiny.

On that day, a lot of things happened.  Unusual things, things I least expected.  It started out as a day like so many before, but evolved into something very special...magical.  And as the hours passed, I found myself holding on to each moment, making mental notes about little things that were said and done.  Somehow, I knew it would be important, later.

On that day, we went for a drive.  Up a long winding road, alongside a winding river.  We stopped, got out of the car, and sat on a rock.  This is not just any rock, it was a place I often found myself drawn to.  A place, along that river, where I could just sit, and think, and listen to the calming sound of the water flowing by.  A place where I felt safe.

On that day, we shared many things.  I talked about things I would never have spoken of to anyone else; but I knew it was safe to share these things with him.  I could trust him.  And he, seemed to feel the same way, because I know he opened up to me, as well.

On that day, we took a walk.  But we didn't get to finish it.  Instead, we raced back to the car (he won!), and drove back to town.  We spent a few more hours together, then he had to leave.  We promised to keep in touch, then said our farewells.  But he wasn't ready to leave me, because he came back.  We had a little more time.  Soon that time came to an end.  As I dropped him off at his door, we said our farewells again.  And he left me with a kiss.  Our first kiss.  To this day it lingers on my lips...it was, and still is, a kiss like no other.

A few days later, I went for a drive, back on that long winding road, along side thatwinding river, to that rock.  And as I sat there, thinking back, I was filled with hope.  And love.  I knew something special had happened here, just a few days before.  I knew that my life was changing.  I thought about the walk we started, and wondered when we would get to finish it.  In my head, a voice said to me, thirty years.  No!  That can't be!  Thirty years...we'll be...so old!  I pushed that thought out of my head, climbed down from that rock, and, as if to squelch that pesky little voice, I took that walk.  It was just me and my shadow that day.  With every step I took, I imagined him there, by my side, walking with me.  I walked down to a sandy beach, sat down, and thought about what had just happened.  I couldn't understand it.  Then I went back home.

Many years before, I had decided I wanted to write a book, about my life.  At the time, a teenager in high school, I thought I had a story to tell.  A story of separation, abuse, dysfunction, pain, survival, and love, a mother's love.  They say, be careful what you wish for, because you might just get it.  Today, I know just how true those words are.  Because, if I thought I had a story to tell back then, it was nothing compared to the chapters that were about to unfold in my life.  The underlying theme of the book remains the same, separtion, abuse, dysfunction, pain, survival, and love.  The healing power of love.

Communication.  It can get messed up sometimes.  By the interference of others, or circumstance.  Sometimes we have no power over it, and sometimes we do.  As a child I had no power over the interference and circumstances.  As an adult, I do.  If there is one thing I have learned in my life, it is that I hold the power to change things, to undo the past, to heal the hurts, and to set things right.

Now I understand.  I think it's time...

1 comment:

robinngabster said...

beautiful dona....I understand....